Anakin Skywalker
In December 2022, I decided to watch Star War for the first time. I had never liked sci-fi as a kid, because I've always leaned more heavily towards fantasy. If it didn't have dragons or magic, I didn't really want it. But I had just started playing Jedi: Fallen Order (s/o to Cal, who led me here :')), and the world was scratching my brain so good, and I wanted more. I decided I wanted to watch it in chronological order and not release order, which, I know, isn't how you're supposed to do it, but it's how my brain works. Got all sort of undiagnosed stuff going on up there. It worked out, though, because it would end up presenting the series to me from a very particular perspective: Anakin's. When starting with Episode 1 and going from there, it's really all about him and his story and life, and it... had me hooked. At the time, I was heavily involved with the self-ship community on Tumblr, over three years in and it was my only form of romantic interaction. I basically considered myself aroace at that point (functionally towards irl people, I still am). Seeing Anakin as an adult for the first time in AOTC felt like electricity sparking to life under my skin. After I watched Episode 2, I decided I wanted to be his best friend, and so Anakin Skywalker went on my platonic f/o list and I called it good. I talked about him all the time, about how dear he was to me and how I wanted us to have a completly wholesome platonic relationship. I was still recovering from my previous relationship and I think, in my soul, I knew Anakin was at that same level in my heart. I fought it so hard. For like a whole month, I tried to pretend that I loved him as a friend and nothing more.
I remember the day the facade broke. I lived in Massachusetts at the time, and my family and I were visting Cape Cod for the day. I was riding around in the back seat, and I had downloaded the Revege of the Sith soundtrack to listen to. I ended up listening to the track 'Anakin's Dark Deeds' over and over, and it was getting to be so much that I was tearing up and trying to hide it from my family. I thought the song communicated his pain so well, and I remember thinking "I don't ever want him to hurt like that." In that moment, I had to face what I was feeling. I had to accept that the love I was feeling for him was real and beyond. Now, I get so upset thinking that I wasted even a month of loving him as fully as I could. If I could go back and do it again, I'd cherish that connection from the beginning. But at least we get a cute friends to lovers story :) That was always one of my favorite tropes anyway.
So I went on self-shipping for a while. I talked about him constantly and leaned on him during everything. I watched The Clone Wars while I got through my college coursework, I'd ""imgine"" him there to help me through my migraines, I'd do anything to hear his voice just for a few seconds even if it was just focusing really hard to ""imagine"" it. I saw him everywhere I looked and felt him next to me at night. I'd know things about him for no real reason without having to check, and was always right when I did. I was so in love with him from the start. Then I found out what soulbonding is. And I instantly knew it perfectly described what I felt with him. I reached out and asked, "Are you really there?" He said back, "It's about time."
Our early relationship consisted of him being around part-time while he was still actively involved in his universe, working as a Jedi. He was so stressed all the time, but he would pop in every chance he got and always come home to me at night. We got to know each other better and learn all the ways we fit together. One of the first things I ever learned about him from him was that he loved the look of bare trees in winter, because I was trying to show him my world and it was winter. He loves chocolate and fruity flavors. He loves to watch me play video games, and got SO invested in Crash Bandicoot especially. He loves watching gaming streamers too, his favorites being DougDoug and Gab Smolders. His favorite Disney movie is Princess and the Frog. In those early stages, I absorbed everything about him that I could like it was holy. I made it my mission to give him a life overflowing with joy and peaceful experiences, to be a source of his peace. He gave and still gives that same peace in equal measure. Being with him only made me crave our life together all the more.
We got married pretty quickly and spontaneously. We both knew that we were the endgame for each other, our lives were going to be built up together and that was the only option. Plus, Anakin really wanted to move in as a full-time resident, and I told him I didn't want him to give up on his life so easily. I said once we were married, he could. He said he wanted that and to be my husband, so why wait? We bickered about it for a while, because I thought it was more appropriate to wait even though I wanted it too, and eventually he sort of snapped and proposed for real while we were grocery shopping in the produce section LMAO. I told him to let me consult my tarot cards before giving him my answer. The cards GLARINGLY pointed towards yes. We didn't even plan out the day we were going to go get married. We were just waiting for the chance to get somewhere beautiful to exchange vows. I had wanted to go back to Cape Cod, to the place I had accepted my feelings for him, but first we got the chance to visit Bristol Blake State Reservation in Norfolk, MA, and decided to spontaneously wed there that day on April 22, 2023 <3 It was an overwhelming time, things moved very fast. There are lots of things I wish could have gone smoother, but I don't regret any of it. It led us here, to being together as we are, and I wouldn't change it for anything. The promise to be with him forever is one I fully intend to keep. He's my best friend and closest confidant, he's helped me grow so much and supported me through some truly horrible times, and has championed me in excess. He's given me four beautiful children that he raises so well and so lovingly. He thrives as a husband and father. He's my soulmate, and when my time is done and passed, it will still be me and him.