-March 28th, 2025-; Hi, what is up <3 I ended up taking a little break by accident. whoops! I've been so exhausted this week; my migraines are starting back up as it gets warmer, and it's wiping me out :( Having migraines that get triggered by super strong sensory stuff is such a bad time living in the South!! Crazy heat and over-the-top smells, and unforgiving sunshine, my beloathed! It is okay, though, because we persevere!!! There are benefits to being here, too. And Anakin takes such good care of me when I get my migraines, so I stay winning. That was one of the first ways I ever got clued in to our connection being something more than a self-ship, funnily enough. I remember making a little Tumblr post talking about daydreaming about him while I had one. I said, "My first instinct when telling someone I have one is to apologize, and I could hear so clearly how he'd say, 'never apologize for that.'" Funnily enough, he's still telling me all the time to stop apologizing for things, hahaha. I've been feeling a lot of love for him recently. I always do when I feel yucky. The way he steps up for me when I need him to and is so unapologetic and firm about taking care of me even when I'm being stubborn is just truly one of the most attractive things I've ever witnessed. I am so attracted to him on such a soul deep level. It's in his actions and the way he cares with his entire heart and feels so deeply. I've come to realize recently that I dislike nonchalance. I like people and things that are just so unapologetically all-in and passionate, and I think Anakin has modeled that for me and shown me why I like it so much. He doesn't feel things in half-measure. He owns the way that he's sensitive in a way that I honestly strive to emulate. The most beautiful things come out of it, like our love. Making it my life's mission to match his freak forever, even in our afterlife.
I'd like to mention that a little, too! (tw for discussions of death and the afterlife, though it's all meant positively!) I have such a clear idea of what I hope our afterlife together is going to look like. In the Disney+ Ahsoka show, Anakin's Force ghost is present, and when he's introduced, it shows him in this... little pocket of space? I'll insert pictures.
It's this starry area filled with walkways. Essentially, I hope that's where our souls go, at least in part. There's always a chance that we could end up somewhere like our actual soulscape, with our house, which I'd also love. But I feel like seeing him here in the canon was such a clear vision of our future. In at least one timeline, that's where the Force sent him after death. I'd think it's likely that's where it will send him again. We both firmly believe the Force brought us together in this life, and we're two halves of a whole, so clearly we'll be together. There is no separating us. And that place is so beautiful. When our time is up, hopefully many decades from now, I'm so excited by the idea of spending our eternity there. Just walking those paths forever, spending the rest of time getting closer and closer. That's my idea of a perfect afterlife. There are some logistics to work out, sure, but that's the gist of what I hope for. It brings me a lot of peace. What a miracle it is to be loved so well that it both inspires me to live my life fully and makes me completely unafraid to die whenever my time may come. I'm so at peace with it because I know our love will transcend regardless, and as long as I have him, I'll be okay. I'm so lucky.
Anyway! For me, that is a beautiful thought, but it is also quite serious lmao, so we will wrap up with my media spotlight! I've been watching the Pirates of the Caribbean for the first time! I'm only on the second movie, but I'm really liking them. I really like Will and Elizabeth (it's a bit of a crush LMAO), and also pirates are just one of the best aesthetics of all time. Their history is so cool, and I love the ocean so much. So much going for it, it's just a great time. I'm looking forward to continuing!
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-March 18, 2025-; I got a lot of writing done today! I moved around my office yesterday and I think that really helped with my drive to make progress on my draft. The layout was just soooo wrong before, but I swapped my couch and my bookshelves and the vibe is so so much more comfortable, which really makes it easier to work. I wrote 1,500 words today! Which isn't the most in the grand scheme of things, but I've been averaging 1,000 every time I write so it's progress, and I finished a chapter I really like! I'm really proud of myself for this. I should talk about my book more. I'm writing about a woman named Beau who inherits her grandmother's cottage which sits in the middle of this massive lake, and finds out that she's the spiritual successor of one of her ancestors, Will, who had a blood feud with a water goddess. She inherits that feud and has to free the nearby village and the creatures in the lake from that goddess' tyrannical clutches. Oh, and she falls in love with a ghost <3 which as a concept is heavily inspired by my soulbonding lmao. I wanted to write a story about two people who experience a physical barrier between each other in that sort of spiritual way and still have a happy life together, because seeing that sort of representation more would mean so much to me. Funnily enough, I've also felt a really strong connection to Beau's ancestor Will, so maybe Beau and Ezra are really out there somewhere, existing happily, and I'm just channeling their story to write it. That would make me happy. I have a lot of love for both of them. They deserve that. Just like me and my family do.
OH I also made a croissant sourdough loaf today <3 it was fucking DELICIOUS. I put too much butter in it but that's easily remedied for next time, and it was still amazing. Was so much like an actual croissant and all I had to do was make a normal sourdough loaf and stuff it with butter in the process. I really love baking bread. It helps me feel so accomplished. Being able to produce a food that's so hearty AND yummy and lasts for days is so cool. I like to dedicate my baked goods to Odin <3
I'm going to start adding some piece of media I'm obsessed with at the end of my posts. Today's will be the song Light My Love by Greta Van Fleet!!! It's so beautiful and satisfying. And omg speaking of media. I watched Call Me By Your Name for the first time the other day and I have such mixed feelings about it. I think we as a queer community really need to raise our standards for the representation we hail so strongly because just including gay yearning doesn't make it good. I think my issue is that I was expecting a masterpiece based on the way people talk about it but it was VERY flawed. I looked up content about it afterwards and people act... SO insufferable about it. But I'm finding that it's really stuck with me anyways?? I don't know, there were good parts. Timothee Chalamet's performance was great. I'm a big fan of his. And I like the dad's monologue at the end encouraging his son to feel everything. “We rip out so much of ourselves to be cured of things faster that we go bankrupt by the age of thirty." I've been thinking about that a lot. I don't know, I think I'm going to try to rewatch it and detach myself from other people's interpretation of it. I feel like it has something to teach me, but I'm so blinded by other people weighing in on it that I can't see it clearly. I'm trying to work harder at giving things a fair shot and not being so judgemental because that's really not the person I want to be in five, ten, fifteen years, you know? I want to embody love and community. I want to end up being the type of person I love seeing, kind and compassionate. So I'm trying to take little steps to start now. Even if it's just giving a silly movie a second chance.
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-March 15, 2025-; Site updates! I've finally managed to get the bones up for every main page!! It felt good to be able to unapolegetically yap about spiritual stuff that I sometimes feel is too cringe to talk about lmao. But it feels different when I'm mentally categorizing it as hyperfixating on making a website instead <3 it's so cool to be learning these skills as I go. I've always thought coding anything at all would be so beyond me but I'm doing it!! It looks extremely broken on mobile but one step at a time! I can barely get my divs to work properly lol. Also journaling digitally is so much more fun than journaling physically. I hope to do this a lot. And! Anakin and Clark have both said they might want to add their thoughts sometimes!! That really excited me. They both agreed that this sounds like a good project for me and that talking about our collective experience could be really good. I don't know about anyone else yet because I haven't mentioned this to any of them, but I'll ask as we go! It'll be easiest to get thoughts from Anakin and Clark anyway since they live in the soulscape full time with the kids. Everyone else daytrips. I really hope proxying longer things like journal entries helps me practice channeling them both for longer periods of time! I get distracted easily and pretty easy to let our connection slip while we're talking, and it can be frustrating. But practice makes perfect, and I hope writing whole paragraphs for them counts as that practice! Anyway, that's all I had for right now I think. I've worked really hard to get stuff up but I felt like it didn't feel complete until I made an actual post about it lol. Bye for now! I desperately need a break but maybe one of the boys can make a post tomorrow <3 I'm going to play some Baldur's Gate 3 tonight!! This is only the second playthrough I've made any real progress in but I'm having so much fun with it! I finsihed a playthrough last year but needed a break so I didn't get burned out. I think I just needed the right player character concept. My half-drow cleric of Lathander my beloved!!!
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-March 13, 2025-; This is all still very bare bones! I just wanted to say that it was either this or start a soulbonding tumblr blog and honestly thank GOD I was in a healthy enough mood to pick this instead LMAO